Have you ever been hurt by someone you care about? Do you find it hard to let go of your emotions? Have you ever sought retribution? These questions follow the topic of forgiveness and its importance.
There are several interpretations of forgiveness; however, “Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually “deserve” your forgiveness.” This is the reason that forgiveness is inherently difficult and a tremendous act of generosity. When you truly forgive someone, you have to prioritise healing someone else's sense of guilt over your feelings such as anger.
Yet, we have to recognize the essentiality of forgiveness. Forgiving someone that hurt you isn’t about them. It’s about you. By not forgiving, you are holding onto anger and vindictiveness as you are actively seeking revenge and expressing your hatred to the wrongdoer. In other words, by choosing to not forgive, you are poisoning yourself. I mean think of the huge measures we take for revenge, where we often work until our breaking point to get revenge on others. Those instances never had a practical benefit to you in the first place. We need to understand that anger is nothing but poison and only harms you. You need to forgive others because your soul deserves peace, not because the wrongdoer deserves forgiveness.
As I’ve mentioned before, forgiveness is challenging. This brings forth the question: How do we forgive? The aspect of “how” is the most challenging part of forgiveness. As Clive Staples Lewis said, "Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive." Firstly, when forgiving, we need to understand why others hurt us. More often than not, it's because the wrongdoer was hurt in the past in some way or another. As you gain insight into the fact that individuals often harm others because they have experienced abuse, forgiving them becomes a more manageable task. If a thief stole from you, you have to consider and still be empathetic even if they are completely in the wrong. Maybe their parents were poor and theft might’ve been the only way to survive. Maybe they were ill and needed help. Maybe their child was sick and that's why they needed to resort to crime. You have to imagine every way why the thief was justified to do what they did. You have to be empathetic. You need to understand the origins of evil and the cruelty of wrongdoers. Secondly, you have to recognize that you’re far from perfect. There are moments where you were a coward, moments where you betrayed others, and moments where you added salt to the wounds of others. You need to understand that one day, you will need forgiveness too; thus, it is principally justified to forgive others.
In essence, you can choose between two paths. One path leads to seeking revenge tirelessly until it consumes you and destroys you. The other, instead of seeking revenge, you seek enlightenment. You recognize that the past cannot be altered, understanding that imperfections exist within us all for diverse reasons and the importance of forgiving others.
I implore you to pick the second path.
Works cited:
Forgiveness Definition: What Is Forgiveness: “Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually “deserve” your forgiveness.” https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition#:~:text=Psychologists%20generally%20define%20forgiveness%20as,they%20actually%20deserve%20your%20forgiveness.
(August 15, 2022) Radical Forgiveness Will Change Your Life (Vishen Lakhiani) https://creatorvilla.com/radical-forgiveness-will-change-your-life-vishen-lakhiani/
(August 03, 2017) How To Forgive - The School Of Life
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