Artwork by Ina Kim
In a world that expects too much and gives nothing back, its easy to find us drowning in commitments. Whether you’re in high school, college, or a working adult, the demands for our time, energy, and attention seem never ending. The first step towards preserving your mental health is to recognize how much you can take - and sticking to it.
Society (regardless of your age) places value on the ability for a person to juggle numerous things at once and take on more and more responsibilities - creating an idealized image of “super-human.” However, the double standard that comes with this expectation is almost insufferable. While we are expected to effortlessly carry out every task and manage every responsibility without dissatisfaction or failure, the second there’s the smallest slip up or a small mistake - society switches up to shame them for taking on too much or doing this all for “show.”
Although its a good thing to challenge yourself every now and then, there is so much power in acknowledging our limits and recognising that saying “no” is not a weakness, and rather the exact opposite. Recognising this ability helps us set stronger boundaries, and reclaim control over our time and energy.
The key to confidently and powerfully saying no is to overcome the lingering guilt. In the words of today's society, "Delulu is the Solulu," emphasizing that sometimes - embracing reality could do more harm than good. Although it may feel unfamiliar at first, the ability to assertively decline requests becomes more intuitive with practice, especially as you clarify your priorities with yourself. Trusting that your decisions stem from the best intentions for yourself empowers the natural strength of the word "No."
A common indicator of this empowerment is the ability to justify your decisions, that enhance your confidence in them. While effective and helpful for some, this technique can unintentionally foster a habit of feeling compelled to justify rejections or negative responses, influenced by societal pressures to showcase only the positive aspects of life, often seen on many forms of social media through the uprising of “that girl.” (And we all know how healthy that can be..!)
Trends like “that girl” have their ups and downs. On one hand, it creates this motivation to chase after a lifestyle where everything is efficient, healthy, clear, and glorified, which works as motivation for some people. Espeically when consumerism is at it’s highest, it becomes easier and easier for influencers to start selling a lifestyle THROUGH a product, rather than the other way around like how celebrities used to sell a product for the pure sake of the product 20 years ago.
On the other hand, “That girl” creates a false sense of perfection, that we need to have everything under control to look a certain way and feel a certain way like how that one influencer described on her reels page to deem ourselve as successful and productive - which becomes more toxic and unhealthy than it does promote productivity. (food for thought!)
Social comparison like this can only lead to burnout, and we need to learn how to set boundaries and say “no” to ourselves as well. Trying to change your entire lifestyle and break down every habit you built to fit into a trend on tiktok is 1. Unsustainable because social media is fake (among other reasons) and 2. SO much more unhealthy than sticking to your lifestyle now and building UPON it to better yourself for the new year. Again, make your priorities clear to yourself, recognise how much you can take, and say “no” if something doesn’t align with your priorities. If the “that girl” doesn’t align with your priorities, it isn’t for you and that is completely okay.
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