Artwork by June Kim
Relationships are something that many people envy. When you are in a relationship, you feel loved and safe, knowing that there will always be a person by your side comforting you. In fact, you may even describe them as 'home'. But, the real question is, does every relationship feel like 'home'? Or are there relationships that feel like 'hell'?
Before diving into that topic, let me define the expectations and perspectives on relationships. The stage before relationships, the talking stage, may be the most heavenly time a person can experience with a significant other. It is only a matter of time until it develops into a loving relationship. In fact, when dating, people always expect gifts, words of affirmation, those late-night calls, or the 'sneak into your house' kind of events. Many movies and series set the bar of what ‘real’ relationships should look like. Which may be the reason why many people have high expectations for their significant other. But, the most interesting relationships to be entertained are celebrity relationships. When celebrities start to date, many people envy their lives for having such dream-like boyfriends/girlfriends. The public would go insane when they are spotted in public locations, holding hands, hugging, and more. But this is only what people can see from the outside... Does anyone understand or want to understand what's happening inside of it?
Abusive relationships have been a sensitive yet essential topic recognized in our society. According to Gitnux, between the ages of 16 to 24, women make up about 85% of victims of dating abuse. In the United States, 1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 males (13.8%) who are 18 years of age or older have experienced severe physical abuse at the hands of an intimate partner at some point in their lives. Abusive relationship cases are gradually increasing, with citizens demanding more safety and penalties for those individuals who commit such a crime. Even though these toxic relationships are corruptive to one's mind, still more than 50% of women and men stay in these relationships. In my personal opinion, the reason why people stay in such toxic and domestic relationships is because they are ‘blinded by love’.
Everyone knows the phrase 'love is blind'. When a person loves someone so much, they would avoid anything in order to stay with them, even if they may be abusive. Despite this reason for one to stay in a toxic relationship being absurd, people in our society must understand that relationships tend to cause people to become more reliant and faithful to the other individual, meaning that the idea of leaving them is scary and threatening. In simple terms, if a girl leaves her boyfriend, it would mean that she will be living on her own, with no one to turn to during hard times. Relationships cause people to believe that their boyfriend/girlfriend is a default home they are 'required' to go back to. But it isn't. We must understand the importance of knowing when it is the right person at the right time, not the wrong person at the right time.
Additionally, always remember the phrase ‘once an abuser, always an abuser’. Even if they told you they will ‘STOP’ it will never happen. Abusers suffer from severe psychological and emotional issues. Although it's not impossible, transformation is neither rapid nor simple. Furthermore, your abuser won't change until they accept full responsibility for their actions, get professional help, and stop blaming you, their difficult upbringing, stress, their job, their drinking, or their anger.
Escaping abusive relationships is a huge challenge and step most people need to take. One of the most well-known methods of coming out of an abusive relationship is through the ‘pizza call’. This is where a person would call 911, and talk as if they are ordering pizza in order to tell the police firm that they are in need of help, but also seem like a normal conversation from the abuser’s perspective. However, this isn’t the only way to approach this challenge. Here are three other methods to approach this issue:
A safety plan supports individuals in keeping themselves as safe as possible if abuse escalates. It is an emergency plan that empowers a person to leave and get help quickly. It should include…
determining a safe place to stay after leaving
practising quickly escaping the home
learning where any weapons are in the home
More information here
Personal safety both before and after departure depends on privacy. One way to safeguard their privacy is to:
modifying each and every password
creating a new email account that is unknown to the other person and connecting all significant accounts to it
removing the account from social media
More information here
People who are financially dependent frequently remain in abusive relationships. Being financially independent can provide someone the confidence to exit an abusive relationship. A few suggestions for achieving financial independence are:
obtaining a job or starting a freelance business
keeping money on hand wherever possible
developing new abilities in order to obtain work.
More information here
Nonetheless, the primary focus of this blog post is to emphasise the fact that it is NEVER your fault if you are the victim of abuse. It is not your responsibility that these kinds of events happen; rather, it is the abuser's fault for not being able to handle their anger management difficulties or for not being able to obtain therapy for their hysterical behaviour from the beginning. The reason is never because you were annoying, unlovable, unpleasant, or physically repulsive. Thus, you never had the right or were at blame if you found yourself in a toxic, domestic relationship. Just remember, if you find the "exit" door, then you'll always find a way out.
Works Cited
Brito, Janet. "Ways to leave an abusive relationship." Medical News Today, 7 Sept. 2023, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/how-to-get-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.
Lindner, Jannik. "Toxic Relationships Statistics: Market Report & Data Last Updated: December 20, 2023 Written & Summarized by: Jannik Lindner." Gitnux, 20 Dec. 2023, gitnux.org/toxic-relationships-statistics/#:~:text=Highlights%3A%20The%20Most%20Important%20Toxic,intimate%20partner%20in%20their%20lifetime.
Smith, Melinda, and Jeanne Segal. "How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship." HelpGuide.org, 5 Feb. 2024, www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm.
Comments