Written by Emily Kang
Artwork by Yujin Lee
Our environments, whether that be at home, at school, or at work, shape who we are and how we think. Depending on our level of security, the pressure we feel to conform to our respective environments can be overwhelming at times. Fearing what others think of us and letting that fear, in turn, dictate our every action or word are all things we do in order to fit in. Wanting to belong is a common feeling that is especially prominent if someone feels disconnected and left out from their environment. However, the soundness we feel and associate with acceptance is not worth sacrificing ourselves.
Desperation, insecurity, and hyperawareness are all feelings that I have grappled with in order to appease those around me. The fear of making mistakes prevented me from expressing myself as who I truly was. I let others define my self-worth and gave them the power to make me feel secure. My beliefs and views were suppressed and I had become someone striving for social acceptance rather than human bonds and kinship. The hyperawareness I would feel in social environments created an image of myself that I had to constantly project onto others. Taking risks was a foreign feeling that I had forgotten a long time ago and I lacked the ability to express a great deal of emotion without weighing the consequences first. I was limited in the actions and words I could express without the fear of being judged. I truly believed my insecurities would represent my being and that my cautiousness would dictate my path in life forever. I knew that my insecurities would always take precedence over the more crucial matters in my life, and frankly, the more thrilling ones. I was scared of what would happen in the future if I kept this act up.
The path to changing this inherent mindset that washed over me in tidal waves every time I did something was difficult, but came naturally once I started loving myself. Although the phrase “loving myself” is a commonly used cliche, I deeply believe in the effects of loving yourself for who you truly are. Accepting my individuality helped me realize what made me special and important to those around me. I took risks and my actions would directly reflect my feelings without having to constantly second guess myself. However, this is not to say that we should act without thinking. There is a healthy balance between individuality and community that should be kept in order for relationships to prosper and boundaries to be kept. I stopped trying to blend into the background and strived to be a person who was confident enough to support those around me.
People are malleable and easily influenced by others. And although wanting to be accepted is natural, sacrificing our identities and beliefs to fit in is not the way to achieve happiness. How could someone possibly strive for happiness without self-love? Recognizing your self-worth and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel secure and loved is the first step to breaking free from a toxic mindset of conformity.
Works Cited
"How The Environment Shapes Us". Medium, 2017, https://medium.com/@catalinmatei/how-the-environment-shapes-us-c5ed8259a879. Accessed 10 Feb 2023.
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