Artwork by Weng Yan Koh
Have you ever been lying in your bed, looking back on what happened that day, when suddenly your mind takes you back to that one incident from five years ago and thinks “dang it, I could have said that!”. Then the same anger you felt at that moment, starts to bubble up again. Starts to infuriate you and so you rant about your resentment for that specific person or time, but end up making yourself even more angry in the process, with “what-ifs” swirling in your head: “What if I said this?” “What if I did that?”
That folks, is called a grudge.
Now, being someone who has many grudges herself, common sense tells me: this is not good for my mental health. So that is why within this post, I would like to explore the effects of holding a grudge on mental health in addition to addressing how to let go of said grudges.
Well, first we need to look at why do grudges form in the first place. It is said that holding a grudge is one way people may respond to negative feelings or events. Especially when you know that someone else did such intentionally, or without a mind to change it. Persistent negative feelings can leave a person feeling even more angry. Which leads us to the effects of grudges on our mental health.
Understandably, the occasional grudge is inevitable. However holding grudges for a long period of time can cause one to face an unpleasant interaction or event from the past over and over again. Harbouring negative thoughts and feelings as a response to harm them back, when you need to accept that that will never change. Built up resentment has been proven to lead to many mental health concerns such as anxiety or depression.
But don’t worry, there are ways to let go of such grudges. One of them being to recognise your own power in the situation to know what you can and can’t do. Equalise the power dynamic of the situation to understand that you can’t do anything to change it but you can learn from it. Another is looking for common ground with the person you quarrelled with. Conflicts may bring out the differences in people but through highlighting the similarities, such as, perhaps, both trying to reach the same goal, you can find comfort in that hence helping in the process of letting go of grudges.
Now, those are only two out of the many ways to let go of a grudge, and I do recommend you go and search for professional advice on multiple websites if you would like to know more about this topic. In the end, however, it comes down to forgiving and forgetting. I, for one, need to work on this, and I know some of you may too. So with that, I hope this post has helped.
Works Cited
Vanbuskirk, Sarah. "The Mental Health Effects of Holding a Grudge." Edited by Armeen Poor. VeryWellMind, Dotdash Meredith, 6 Nov. 2023, www.verywellmind.com/the-mental-health-effects-of-holding-a-grudge-5176186. Accessed 3 Dec. 2023.
Whitbourne, Susan Krauss. "5 Ways to Get Over a Grudge." Edited by Psychology Today. Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 12 Jan. 2019. Accessed 3 Dec. 2023.
Comments